Feeling Insecure: Why We Shouldn’t Ignore the Doubt Inside

It is an all-too-common occurrence for many of us – we are going about our days, feeling good and like we are managing things. Then bam! Something happens and we are knocked to the floor, leaving us feeling insecure. Maybe it’s an off-handed comment by a family member or boss. Or we leave an encounter feeling like we messed up. Perhaps we forgot to do something that leaves us feeling like the worst ever.

When feeling insecure takes over, it is important to take time to do a debrief to figure out what derailed our day. Too often we spend our time berating ourselves, replaying our mistake in our head, and letting “could have, would have, should have,” take control. But if we want to find a way to stop feeling insecure, we must take control and analyze what happened.

Sometimes what happened was a simple mistake or misunderstanding. Other times, we are on the receiving end of someone else’s bad day. But most times, feeling insecure starts and ends inside of us. Our inner critic knows our weaknesses. It can push the right button and pull us into the pit.

What to Do When You’re Feeling Insecure

But we don’t have to live there. Regardless of what happened, you can take control of the moment and bring some perspective to things. All you need is a notebook, pen, and the gumption to be honest with yourself.

Start with the questions below to help defuse insecurity’s power:

Why do you feel insecure?

Describe what happened, whether it’s a real incident or the thought of insecurity in your head. What is the critic saying?

What is leading to those feelings?

What actions are you taking to cause these feelings? What outside influences are you letting speak into things?

What is this triggering in me?

What emotions are the actions above covering up? Why did what happened affect you so much? This might take asking why until you reach something specific. Remember to move gently through this. Be kind to yourself. You are not here to berate yourself but to get at what got triggered. If it feels safer to do this with someone else, please call our offices. We are here to help.

What is my role or responsibility in this situation? 

What is within your power to control? If this happened to a friend, what would you say to him or her? Again, be kind to yourself. You are not responsible for how people respond. Identify where other people might be putting their emotions on you. If you got the brunt of someone else’s bad day – that is not your fault nor your responsibility.

What can you do about things?

In the vein of what can you control, what do you need to do to address what is going on? Be specific. Maybe what you can do is let yourself off the hook or develop a plan to speak up the next time someone tries to put their emotions off on you. How will you react differently next time?

Make sure you are in a safe headspace before you begin. Put on music that brings you peace and be in a location where you can write without interruption. If you need to rage about what happened to get to a place to be objective, do it! The whole point of these questions is to get outside the insecurity and return your power to you.

If you need someone to talk to about feeling insecure, we are here to help. At Santa Clarita Christian Counseling, we would love to help you take a step back and obtain a more objective view of what is going on. Please contact us today to schedule an appointment.