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Overcoming the Anxiety That Fuels Over-explaining, Overcommitting, and Overextending

Overcoming the Anxiety That Fuels Over-explaining, Overcommitting, and Overextending

By Santa Clarita Christian Counseling|2024-04-30T17:14:19+00:00April 30th, 2024|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Busy seems to be the buzzword in our contemporary society, describing the lives of people from various walks of life. No matter where we are or what our lives may consist of, our world seems to demand more of our internal and external resources. Yet, when those assets are not sufficiently replenished, we become severely challenged and overburdened by the weight of anxiety and a life that can feel unpredictable, sometimes unsafe, and often unsustainable. In these situations, anxiety stirs, and we find ourselves over-explaining, overcommitted, and overextended. What was once full and overflowing is dangerously low, leaving us to subsist on yesteryear’s abundance, sometimes unaware of how we plummeted there and how our Father desires to meet us there. Inarguably, our lives may be full. Many of us juggle commitments that keep our schedules brimming with activity on both weekdays and weekends. If we’re honest, we may notice the traces of anxiety showing itself in our minds and moods. Increased agitation, irritability, worry, and mental and emotional fatigue will tell on the imbalanced state of our lives, sending us over the edge of what we feel we can reasonably manage. This invariably seeps into our comprehensive well-being, affecting not only our physical bodies, but also our mental and emotional states, interpersonal relationships, and other areas. This leaves us with anxiety that sends us overboard. Over-explaining Anxiety presents in our lives in subtle ways that inform how we approach our daily activities. We may not even realize how it has infiltrated through the colloquial phrases that we use, dismissing the value of rest. Anxiety’s reach isn’t personal, but the culture of “busy” has elevated our sense of worth and importance, yet not always with what truly matters to us. It causes us to over-explain, often preoccupied with what other people [...]

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What Does Adultery Mean and How Does it Affect You?

What Does Adultery Mean and How Does it Affect You?

By Santa Clarita Christian Counseling|2024-04-29T17:35:00+00:00April 29th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Relationship Issues|

There is no hurt quite like the hurt the people closest to you can inflict. The people closest to you are the ones you trust, the ones you can be most vulnerable with. The thing about being vulnerable with someone is that they know more about you and your weaknesses. During an argument, for instance, a loved one can deliver a low blow that a stranger couldn’t because they simply don’t know you that well. This is what makes adultery so painful. In a marriage or a committed romantic relationship, the people in that relationship set certain boundaries for their relationship. One of those boundaries is sexual exclusivity, meaning that they are committed to only having sexual relations with one another. While they might share their time, thoughts, and feelings with other people, they decide that they will not share their bodies with anyone else. When this boundary is tinkered with or broken, it can undermine the foundation of the relationship. While infidelity or adultery is one of the leading reasons why people end their marriages or committed relationships, the relationship doesn’t necessarily have to end. With work from both parties and with the help of a couples counselor, a couple can address the issues in their relationship and rebuild their relationship on stronger foundations. What does adultery mean? People typically use the term “adultery” to refer to when a married person has sex with someone other than their spouse. Men and women alike commit adultery, with some research indicating that 20-25 percent of married men and 10-15 percent of married women are unfaithful to their spouses. “Adultery” can also refer to a host of other activities that are adjacent to sexual and other forms of intimacy. A couple might decide that sharing certain emotions and thoughts with another person [...]

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Differences Between Healthy and Toxic Couples

Differences Between Healthy and Toxic Couples

By Santa Clarita Christian Counseling|2024-04-22T14:19:47+00:00April 22nd, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Key characteristics of a healthy relationship are mutual respect, trust, honesty, empathy, support, and the ability to give and take. Both partners feel safe expressing their thoughts, feelings, and needs to one another and do it openly and honestly to avoid miscommunications. When they disagree, they try to understand the other partner’s perspective, and either agree to disagree or work it out together in a mutually satisfactory way. Not so with toxic couples. Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option. – Maya Angelou A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is built on conflict, competition, and one partner’s need to control the other to get his or her needs met. The other partner feels unsupported, judged, demeaned, misunderstood, and/or attacked, and his or her physical, mental, or emotional well-being is consistently threatened in some way. Characteristics of toxic couples Toxic couples relate to each other in dysfunctional ways. In most cases, it is one partner trying to control the other. Regardless of the dynamic, however, one common thread appears to be that most toxic couples are intensely drawn to each other despite the pain they inflict on one another. Common characteristics of toxic couples include: Control One partner makes all the decisions and forces his or her will and viewpoint on the other, telling him or her what to do. He or she is unreasonably jealous of their partner, and constantly suspicious and mistrustful of them even when he or she has never given them any cause to be. They may want to track their location and who they are with at all times and try to isolate him or her from friends and family. Emotional abuse One partner uses guilt, shaming, rage, silent treatment, stonewalling, and/or intimidation to manipulate and control aspects [...]

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Common Causes of Body Insecurity

Common Causes of Body Insecurity

By Santa Clarita Christian Counseling|2024-02-08T11:39:45+00:00February 8th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Personal Development, Women’s Issues|

Body insecurity can cause issues with your mental health, including depression and anxiety. You may develop body dysmorphia disorder or an eating disorder trying to attain a specific look, weight, or size. Common Causes of Body Insecurity Body insecurity or dissatisfaction can be behind a person’s depression and low self-esteem. Getting to the root, the cause, of body insecurity can help you move forward with treatment. Acknowledging the beliefs or events that created a negative body image is information you can use to flip negative self-talk and break long-held beliefs about yourself. The following is a list of common causes of body insecurity. Societal ideals. What we see in the media influences our society’s ideals regarding body image. Movies, television, magazines, and social media show filtered, heavily edited, and enhanced images of men’s and women’s bodies that are often unattainable. Yet, these images cause us to fret and obsess over our flaws. If you feel depressed after viewing these images, unfollow or unsubscribe from accounts and media that make you feel unworthy. Instead, opt to follow and subscribe to body-positive accounts. Opinions of loved ones. Our loved ones are most likely our role models and mean well. However, their opinions can determine how we view our bodies. If a family member is obsessed with the scale, you may allow that number to dictate your day, too. We repeat the patterns from our childhood automatically unless we consciously choose to go in a different direction. It is not too late to change your habits, behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs regarding your appearance, body shape, or size. Verbal or physical abuse. Verbal or physical abuse from childhood or as an adult can change your beliefs about your body or appearance. If someone criticized or demeaned you about your size, weight, or looks, you [...]

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Signs of “Mom Brain” and How to Cope

Signs of “Mom Brain” and How to Cope

By Santa Clarita Christian Counseling|2023-12-08T18:16:49+00:00December 8th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Women’s Issues|

Have you ever walked into a room, and stood there wondering why you came there in the first place? Or maybe you started tidying a room and ended up working on dishes and then folding laundry? Perhaps you have a color-coded planner, plus digital reminders, and a whiteboard calendar in the kitchen to remind people of key dates, appointments, etc. If any of these things are true, you might have “mom brain.” Over the past few years, there has been a growing conversation about the mental load that mothers carry. Even married women without children can find themselves carrying more mental load than their husbands no matter how equitably the household tasks are divided. When women invoke mom brain, they’re typically describing the experience of feeling scattered, distracted, forgetful, or disorganized as a result of being pregnant or having children. The hormones of pregnancy and postpartum have significant impacts on brain chemistry. Plus sleep deprivation can cause a temporary collapse of cognitive function. Beyond the postpartum period, you may continue to have seasons of forgetfulness, distraction, trouble focusing, and so on. If you are responsible for the well-being of yourself and multiple other people (spouses, children, pets) you are going to burn out if you don’t take proper care. As a mother, caring for your family is often your top priority, from making decisions regarding school, driving to extracurriculars and appointments, managing a household, and possibly even a job your brain is constantly fluttering from thought to thought. There are meal plans, groceries, and chores to do (or teach children to do, which is also a process). The sheer amount of brain power directed toward the care and keeping of a family is massive and often invisible. When left alone, this type of mental load can lead many women to [...]

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Embracing Being Single in a Couple-Up Culture

Embracing Being Single in a Couple-Up Culture

By Santa Clarita Christian Counseling|2024-03-27T12:26:13+00:00November 27th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

It seems there is nowhere safe to turn if you want to remain happily single without constant reminders or encouragement to be coupled up. Whether in our entertainment such as TV shows, on social media, or among one’s loved ones, being single comes up as something to move past, grow out of, or escape. Romantic relationships are great, in their own way, so it’s understandable why people who love you would want that happiness for you. However, if you’re not in the space for it, those overtures can become overwhelming. On the other side of it, you might be single and eager to get coupled up. In that case, the reminders of your singleness can also become grating, but out of frustration of a desired goal. It is, however, possible to embrace the season of singleness that you’re in, for however long you’re in it. Being single and opting out of romantic relationships is not an inferior way of being, and a deeper appreciation of singleness can help you toward deeper contentment. Understanding singleness in the 21st century. Being ‘single’ means a variety of things for people in our context. It could mean that they have no romantic prospects that they’re currently exploring. However, it could mean that they aren’t in what they consider to be a “serious relationship” or a committed relationship with someone. This can be confusing, as it leaves a variety of options open, including the various “situationships” that people find themselves in, which include ‘friends with benefits’ or casual hookups. Singleness in the 21st century is thus a vast complex of relationships that aren’t official, committed, or serious, as well as not having romantic prospects. You have to ask follow-up questions when someone says that they’re single; that includes questions such as “Are you involved with [...]

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Clues that Child Counseling Will Help Your Child

Clues that Child Counseling Will Help Your Child

By Santa Clarita Christian Counseling|2024-03-27T12:28:22+00:00November 16th, 2023|Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured|

Growing up will bring changes to the way your child thinks and acts. However, sometimes parents cannot help but wonder whether therapy will help their child. Whether these changes came in the wake of a sudden or shocking incident, or even if there is no logical explanation for them, parents should always be aware of them since they provide clues to whether child counseling might be necessary. Signs that Child Counseling May Help Your Son or Daughter Look out for the following changes in your child’s personality that may indicate that child counseling will help you, your child, or your family. Defiant behavior. Behavior problems in the comfort and familiarity of their own home or outside the home are some of the more common signs that child counseling will help. Defiant behaviors are characterized by a willingness and tendency to become defensive, complain, or argue at the slightest thing. If this happens more often than usual it could be that your child is asking for help, even if they do not recognize it as such. One way to notice defiant behaviors quickly is to stay in touch with teachers and other parents who may witness your child’s words and actions every day. If you wonder whether or not there is a problem, then think about alerting them to your concern and asking them to share with you any defiant behaviors they may witness. Dramatic changes in interests and habits. While behavior changes may affect your child, so changes in their interests and habits. While these types of changes are typically seen in their personal interests, they may also be seen in their eating and sleeping patterns. If the change persists for longer than two weeks, then a counselor may be able to shed some light on whether or not these [...]

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Coping with New Technology When You’re Getting Older

Coping with New Technology When You’re Getting Older

By Santa Clarita Christian Counseling|2023-10-06T14:34:53+00:00October 6th, 2023|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

One of the clearest generational divides is technology. Today’s senior adults have gone from black-and-white TVs and landlines to having a miniature computer known as a smartphone. It is capable of everything from alarm clock to communication to storing photos of grandkids. When those devices need to be upgraded and updated, learning new technology can become a major hurdle for those who are getting older. There are plenty of hilarious videos of children and teens trying to figure out dial-up and landlines. It is less hilarious to be an older person struggling to keep pace with the internet. Older people are particularly susceptible to scammers and AI-manufactured replicas of their families. Common scams against people who are getting older Here are some ways that scammers try to prey on those who are getting older. Tech support scams: These scams involve scammers calling or emailing people pretending to be from a well-known technology company. They may say that there is a problem with your computer and that you need to pay them to fix it. Do not give out personal information or financial information to anyone who unexpectedly calls or emails you. Grandparent scams: These scams involve scammers calling or emailing people pretending to be a grandchild or other close relative. They may say that they have been arrested or in some other kind of trouble and need money immediately. Do not send money to anyone who contacts you unexpectedly and asks for money. Phishing scams: These scams involve scammers sending emails or text messages that look like they are from a legitimate company, such as your bank or credit card company. They may ask you to click on a link or enter your personal information. Do not click on links in emails or text messages from people you do not [...]

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10 Ways Trauma is Exhausting You

10 Ways Trauma is Exhausting You

By Santa Clarita Christian Counseling|2024-03-27T12:30:09+00:00August 24th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Trauma is a difficult thing to address. Often, people want to get as much distance from the trauma they have experienced as possible. This is an understandable response. Trauma, however, can have a way of impacting your life today. You may not expect something that happened in the past to have a profound effect on your life now. The ways trauma influences how we feel, think, and behave are powerful. Whether the traumatic event was yesterday or fifty years ago, it can result in negative feelings today. One of the most common symptoms of trauma is fatigue. People who have experienced trauma can feel tired, unmotivated, or drained. These feelings are real and directly connected to the trauma you experienced. The effects of trauma on the body, mind, and spirit are powerful, and they may exhaust you. Ten ways trauma may be draining your energy Increased stress hormones. Trauma causes stress in your life. This can be emotionally or physically. Either way, the body responds with increased levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. These increased levels, especially for prolonged periods, can result in fatigue. Interrupted sleep. Some people go into a hyper-vigilant state after experiencing trauma. This is a self-preservation attempt to protect from additional trauma. Hyper-vigilance is exhausting when experienced during the day. It also impacts your sleep. Even as you sleep, the hyper-vigilant state of your mind can cause interruptions in sleep leaving you tired when you wake in the morning. Repeated nights of this have a compounding effect. Intrusive memories. Many people have memories of the traumatic event or events. Unfortunately, these can creep in at any time. Handling these memories is worn mentally and emotionally. Even attempts to block memories can be tiring. Reliving trauma. Going through a hard thing again and again, even if it [...]

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Feeling Insecure: Why We Shouldn’t Ignore the Doubt Inside

Feeling Insecure: Why We Shouldn’t Ignore the Doubt Inside

By Santa Clarita Christian Counseling|2023-08-07T11:56:30+00:00August 5th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

It is an all-too-common occurrence for many of us – we are going about our days, feeling good and like we are managing things. Then bam! Something happens and we are knocked to the floor, leaving us feeling insecure. Maybe it’s an off-handed comment by a family member or boss. Or we leave an encounter feeling like we messed up. Perhaps we forgot to do something that leaves us feeling like the worst ever. When feeling insecure takes over, it is important to take time to do a debrief to figure out what derailed our day. Too often we spend our time berating ourselves, replaying our mistake in our head, and letting “could have, would have, should have,” take control. But if we want to find a way to stop feeling insecure, we must take control and analyze what happened. Sometimes what happened was a simple mistake or misunderstanding. Other times, we are on the receiving end of someone else’s bad day. But most times, feeling insecure starts and ends inside of us. Our inner critic knows our weaknesses. It can push the right button and pull us into the pit. What to Do When You're Feeling Insecure But we don’t have to live there. Regardless of what happened, you can take control of the moment and bring some perspective to things. All you need is a notebook, pen, and the gumption to be honest with yourself. Start with the questions below to help defuse insecurity’s power: Why do you feel insecure? Describe what happened, whether it’s a real incident or the thought of insecurity in your head. What is the critic saying? What is leading to those feelings? What actions are you taking to cause these feelings? What outside influences are you letting speak into things? What is this triggering [...]

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