Kate Motaung, Author at Santa Clarita Christian Counseling

Overcoming the Anxiety That Fuels Over-explaining, Overcommitting, and Overextending

Overcoming the Anxiety That Fuels Over-explaining, Overcommitting, and Overextending

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T11:19:20+00:00April 30th, 2024|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Busy seems to be the buzzword in our contemporary society, describing the lives of people from various walks of life. No matter where we are or what our lives may consist of, our world seems to demand more of our internal and external resources. Yet, when those assets are not sufficiently replenished, we become severely challenged and overburdened by the weight of anxiety and a life that can feel unpredictable, sometimes unsafe, and often unsustainable. In these situations, anxiety stirs, and we find ourselves over-explaining, overcommitted, and overextended. What was once full and overflowing is dangerously low, leaving us to subsist on yesteryear’s abundance, sometimes unaware of how we plummeted there and how our Father desires to meet us there. Inarguably, our lives may be full. Many of us juggle commitments that keep our schedules brimming with activity on both weekdays and weekends. If we’re honest, we may notice the traces of anxiety showing itself in our minds and moods. Increased agitation, irritability, worry, and mental and emotional fatigue will tell on the imbalanced state of our lives, sending us over the edge of what we feel we can reasonably manage. This invariably seeps into our comprehensive well-being, affecting not only our physical bodies, but also our mental and emotional states, interpersonal relationships, and other areas. This leaves us with anxiety that sends us overboard. Over-explaining Anxiety presents in our lives in subtle ways that inform how we approach our daily activities. We may not even realize how it has infiltrated through the colloquial phrases that we use, dismissing the value of rest. Anxiety’s reach isn’t personal, but the culture of “busy” has elevated our sense of worth and importance, yet not always with what truly matters to us. It causes us to over-explain, often preoccupied with what other [...]

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Clues that Child Counseling Will Help Your Child

Clues that Child Counseling Will Help Your Child

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T11:19:28+00:00November 16th, 2023|Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured|

Growing up will bring changes to the way your child thinks and acts. However, sometimes parents cannot help but wonder whether therapy will help their child. Whether these changes came in the wake of a sudden or shocking incident, or even if there is no logical explanation for them, parents should always be aware of them since they provide clues to whether child counseling might be necessary. Signs that Child Counseling May Help Your Son or Daughter Look out for the following changes in your child’s personality that may indicate that child counseling will help you, your child, or your family. Defiant behavior. Behavior problems in the comfort and familiarity of their own home or outside the home are some of the more common signs that child counseling will help. Defiant behaviors are characterized by a willingness and tendency to become defensive, complain, or argue at the slightest thing. If this happens more often than usual it could be that your child is asking for help, even if they do not recognize it as such. One way to notice defiant behaviors quickly is to stay in touch with teachers and other parents who may witness your child’s words and actions every day. If you wonder whether or not there is a problem, then think about alerting them to your concern and asking them to share with you any defiant behaviors they may witness. Dramatic changes in interests and habits. While behavior changes may affect your child, so changes in their interests and habits. While these types of changes are typically seen in their personal interests, they may also be seen in their eating and sleeping patterns. If the change persists for longer than two weeks, then a counselor may be able to shed some light on whether or not [...]

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10 Ways Trauma is Exhausting You

10 Ways Trauma is Exhausting You

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T11:19:37+00:00August 24th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Trauma is a difficult thing to address. Often, people want to get as much distance from the trauma they have experienced as possible. This is an understandable response. Trauma, however, can have a way of impacting your life today. You may not expect something that happened in the past to have a profound effect on your life now. The ways trauma influences how we feel, think, and behave are powerful. Whether the traumatic event was yesterday or fifty years ago, it can result in negative feelings today. One of the most common symptoms of trauma is fatigue. People who have experienced trauma can feel tired, unmotivated, or drained. These feelings are real and directly connected to the trauma you experienced. The effects of trauma on the body, mind, and spirit are powerful, and they may exhaust you. Ten ways trauma may be draining your energy Increased stress hormones. Trauma causes stress in your life. This can be emotionally or physically. Either way, the body responds with increased levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. These increased levels, especially for prolonged periods, can result in fatigue. Interrupted sleep. Some people go into a hyper-vigilant state after experiencing trauma. This is a self-preservation attempt to protect from additional trauma. Hyper-vigilance is exhausting when experienced during the day. It also impacts your sleep. Even as you sleep, the hyper-vigilant state of your mind can cause interruptions in sleep leaving you tired when you wake in the morning. Repeated nights of this have a compounding effect. Intrusive memories. Many people have memories of the traumatic event or events. Unfortunately, these can creep in at any time. Handling these memories is worn mentally and emotionally. Even attempts to block memories can be tiring. Reliving trauma. Going through a hard thing again and again, even if [...]

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Feeling Insecure: Why We Shouldn’t Ignore the Doubt Inside

Feeling Insecure: Why We Shouldn’t Ignore the Doubt Inside

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T11:19:44+00:00August 5th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

It is an all-too-common occurrence for many of us – we are going about our days, feeling good and like we are managing things. Then bam! Something happens and we are knocked to the floor, leaving us feeling insecure. Maybe it’s an off-handed comment by a family member or boss. Or we leave an encounter feeling like we messed up. Perhaps we forgot to do something that leaves us feeling like the worst ever. When feeling insecure takes over, it is important to take time to do a debrief to figure out what derailed our day. Too often we spend our time berating ourselves, replaying our mistake in our head, and letting “could have, would have, should have,” take control. But if we want to find a way to stop feeling insecure, we must take control and analyze what happened. Sometimes what happened was a simple mistake or misunderstanding. Other times, we are on the receiving end of someone else’s bad day. But most times, feeling insecure starts and ends inside of us. Our inner critic knows our weaknesses. It can push the right button and pull us into the pit. What to Do When You're Feeling Insecure But we don’t have to live there. Regardless of what happened, you can take control of the moment and bring some perspective to things. All you need is a notebook, pen, and the gumption to be honest with yourself. Start with the questions below to help defuse insecurity’s power: Why do you feel insecure? Describe what happened, whether it’s a real incident or the thought of insecurity in your head. What is the critic saying? What is leading to those feelings? What actions are you taking to cause these feelings? What outside influences are you letting speak into things? What is this [...]

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4 Questions to Ask Your Partner in Premarital Counseling

4 Questions to Ask Your Partner in Premarital Counseling

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T11:19:52+00:00June 14th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The time you spend getting ready for your wedding is important, but the time you spend getting ready for your marriage is even more important. While you may be busy deciding about cake flavors and reception venues, premarital counseling is one of the best things you can do for your wedding and marriage. Premarital counseling offers the couple an opportunity to discuss important things before they start their married life together. There is no limit to what you can discuss, however, there are some important topics to cover. Some people do this with a pastor or minister at their church. Another option, however, is to talk with a Christian counselor. Meeting with a Christian counselor provides the couple with a trained, unbiased person who can guide them through important topics to discuss before marriage. Connecting with a Christian counselor is helpful because they understand and can offer wisdom from a faith-based perspective. This will help the couple build a strong foundation of faith in their marriage. While you can talk about anything, there are some important questions to discuss during this season: Premarital counseling and what you believe. It is important to start by talking about spiritual matters. For believers, this is the foundation of their identity as individuals and will become the foundation for their relationship. You do not need to agree on every aspect of your faith, but it is important to make sure your ideas fit together. Where do you see yourself? Looking ahead is what the premarital season is all about. It offers you a chance to talk about things like your hopes and dreams. These can be related to what you do, where you live, future family plans, and what type of life you want. Consider going beyond questions about the careers you pursue [...]

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Finding Peace in God: Scripture About Worry

Finding Peace in God: Scripture About Worry

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T11:20:00+00:00April 28th, 2023|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

Why do we worry? We typically don’t find ourselves feeling anxious or worrying that things will go well. We worry when we are confronted by a challenging situation whose outcome is either uncertain or likely unpleasant, which is why we need to read Scripture about worry. Being out of control leaves us grasping for what we want. We are eager to find some way to ensure that the outcome of a date, job interview, tax assessment, operation, or financial decision works out in our favor. Even when we can’t control the situation through any action we can take, we do what feels natural – worry and ruminate. The Bible and worry. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the Bible has a lot to say about worry. For one thing, the people we encounter in the pages of Scripture were just as eager as we are to have healthy, productive lives, and for loved ones to be happy and safe. The Bible addresses the many ways people sought to deal with the stresses and uncertainties of life, and among them is worrying. But why is worry something that we shouldn’t do in our lives? Consider one of the many passages in Scripture about worry. Then Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the [...]

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Sticks and Stones: Revisiting Communication In Marriage

Sticks and Stones: Revisiting Communication In Marriage

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T11:20:08+00:00March 23rd, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Arguable and unknown are the origins of the childhood rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Children on playgrounds have echoed a variation of that phrase for years, perhaps with the intent to barricade themselves physically and emotionally from the rage of bullies. Though we would like to believe that we are immune to the harm that that sort of communication incurs, it simply isn’t true. Words are powerful, retaining the ability to hurt upon impact. If we haven’t resolved the lingering pain, the memory itself can revive wounds long after the bruises have faded. While our words have the power to harm, they also can be repurposed in alignment with God’s original intent: to bring life, heal, and restore to wholeness. When we use our words well, we sometimes see the immediacy of impact, though other times, the benefits blossom as a result of long-term investment. When words of appreciation are crafted and delivered to admire, uplift, or encourage, we demonstrate the love and action of the Father. Our communication releases light in places where darkness has ruled. The Bible offers sage advice and examples of how to use our words as well as what to avoid. Although these principles are not limited to marriage, they can enhance our relationships and our communication in marriage. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1, NIV When we cut our hearts off from our spouses, we dampen our ability to hear, receive, and properly interpret the messages that they send. The pain from relational trauma and lingering wounds also distort the words and nonverbal cues that we convey. This can be problematic, not only concerning our marriagesand the state of our households; but the treatment [...]

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Coping with Loss as We Age

Coping with Loss as We Age

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T11:20:16+00:00January 18th, 2023|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

Coping with loss is a constant in life as we get older. There are both minor and significant losses. We can lose our hair, bone density, eyesight, hearing, best friend, and spouse, among other physical traits, abilities, and relationships. Grief, loneliness, and despair can result from these losses. When we are coping with loss, it’s possible that when we wake up in the morning, we experience an intense sadness that begins before our conscious mind even becomes aware. This sadness serves as a reminder that what happened wasn’t just a bad dream. Geriatric and aging-related issues While some adults may eagerly look forward to retirement, grandchildren, or simply a new stage of life as they enter their golden years, others may dread the negative effects of aging on their bodies and minds. If they do encounter physical difficulties that restrict their mobility, it might be challenging for some adults to make the transition to retirement, deal with new frailty or medical conditions, or find enjoyable, fulfilling activities. Some older adults may find it difficult to accept their mortality, especially when friends, peers, spouses, or partners pass away. As a result, they may experience isolation after several such deaths. Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, which affect one in ten Americans of retirement age, may make it difficult for older adults to take care of basic needs. Some older adults may experience discrimination based on one’s age known as ageism. This practice may result in forced retirement or cause well-meaning family members to disregard an older adult’s preferences or opinions. A United Nations Population Survey found that 43% of people over the age of 60 were concerned about personal violence, and 37% of adults over the age of 60 reported experiencing age discrimination in the previous year. Only 49% [...]

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Help for Depression: How to Support a Loved One

Help for Depression: How to Support a Loved One

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T11:20:23+00:00January 6th, 2023|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

You can make a serious difference by supporting and encouraging your loved one as they find help for depression and journey toward recovery. How to provide help for depression Do you know that depression affects people from all cultures no matter what their age? It affects millions of people across the globe from all levels of society. It is a psychological illness that is serious, affecting not just the people that suffer from it, but also those who care for them, as well as everyone else around them like co-workers or anyone else they are regularly in contact with. Experiencing difficult emotions is common for those who love someone who is depressed. You may be experiencing helplessness, frustration, guilt, anger, fear, and even sadness. It is certainly not an easy task trying to help and support a family member or friend with depression and these feelings are perfectly normal. And if you neglect your health, and expend too much of yourself in your efforts to provide help, the task of caring can become overwhelming and relentless. So while making sure you pour from a full cup, the support and love you show to the person in your life with depression are critical. Receiving help from a trusted source to help navigate the symptoms of depression; work through negative thoughts; figure out how to raise their energy levels; how to find hope and hold onto it; and start to enjoy life again make a key difference to those who are feeling depressed and busy wading through it. Step 1: Learn all you can about depression. If you can start learning about depression early on in the support of your family member or friend, then all the better. Coming to an understanding of how to talk about depression to the person [...]

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How to Manage Anger Using an Anger Thermometer

How to Manage Anger Using an Anger Thermometer

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T11:20:30+00:00November 8th, 2022|Uncategorized|

Anger is a powerful emotion that can be overwhelming. If a person doesn't manage anger, it causes devastation in relationships. Anger is often how we respond to situations of distress. We feel angry when: we feel overwhelmed we’re under pressure our boundaries are violated we feel slighted and hurt our core beliefs and valued opinions are challenged These moments of distress and crisis can be springboards for our mental, emotional, and relational maturity, but only if we handle our anger appropriately. When a person is in distress, he or she can turn toward harmful behaviors to cope. The result is often that these harmful behaviors damage relationships and the overall well-being of the person. When someone says or does something that angers you, the appropriate response is this: pay attention to what has happened register your own emotional response process that response respond in a constructive way to maintain or reassert your boundaries Do this all without hurting or denigrating the other person. This isn’t how it normally goes down, because when anger washes over you, the response is often instinctive and not always pleasant for the person on the receiving end. One way to begin dealing constructively with anger, whether you’re trying to help your young child, teen, or another adult, is to use an anger thermometer. What is an anger thermometer? An anger thermometer is a tool that you can use to explore and help manage anger. A regular thermometer is used to measure and record the temperature. An anger thermometer serves a similar function, just regarding anger. It helps a person articulate how intensely he or she is feeling about his or her anger. It can also indicate what an appropriate response to the situation might be. It’s flexible enough to be useful for people of [...]

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