Anger Management Tips: How to Curb Your Anger and Stay Calm

Anger is a normal human emotion that can be either good or bad, depending (at least in part) on whether it gets out of control and leads you to act irrationally or aggressively. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on your health and relationships, lead to problems at work, and have a destructive impact on the overall quality of your life. This article offers some practical anger management tips to help you overcome it.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. – Mark Twain

Often there’s a more significant issue behind what triggers your wrath. Anger can be a mask for deeper feelings such as hurt, fear, shame, guilt, or insecurity.

Anger management can help you uncover those hidden emotions and teach you how to express yourself in a healthy, appropriate way without being physically or verbally abusive. You may not be able to avoid the people or things that push your buttons and make your blood boil, but you always have a choice as to how you respond.

The following are some anger management tips that can help empower you to take control of your anger before it takes control of you.

Ten anger management tips to get you started

Think before you speak. Once you say or do something, you cannot take it back. Stop and think before you react. Pretend your lips are glued shut. If possible, walk away from a triggering situation to buy yourself time to reflect on the issue at hand.

Maybe go for a short walk around the block, or take a deep breath and slowly count to ten. For example, taking a timeout when a conversation starts to get heated can help you avoid blowing a fuse and gives you a chance to calm down and regroup.

Identify triggers and warning signs. Understanding the things that trigger your anger can enable you to pre-plan your responses to situations that normally upset you, so you are more in control when your buttons get pushed.

Angry outbursts can be prevented by rehearsing best ways to respond to issues that set you off, as well as by making changes to your environment or the way you normally do things. This will help you avoid unnecessary distress.

In addition to identifying your triggers, it is essential to learn how to recognize the warning signs that let you know your temper is starting to boil. Then you can quickly take appropriate measures to manage it before your angry feelings have a chance to escalate and lead you to say or do something you later regret.

Reframe your thinking. Anger issues tend to have less to do with what happens to you than with how you perceive or think about the situation. Angry thoughts are often exaggerated, irrational, or overly dramatic.

Being stuck in a pattern of all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralizing, or having a rigid view of how things should be only adds fuel to the fire, increases your frustration, and shortens you’re already-short fuse.

Focusing on the facts of a situation rather than exaggerating or catastrophizing it will enable you to stay much calmer. Ask yourself if what you are thinking is based on facts or feelings, and practice seeing things in shades of gray rather than black or white.

Learning how to identify negative thought patterns is a necessary first step before you can start reframing them. A helpful trick to increase your awareness and break the habit of thinking in terms of absolutes or generalizations is to pinch yourself every time you hear yourself utter one. Then replace it with a more reasonable word such as “could” instead of “always,” “sometimes” instead of “never,” and “some people” instead of “everyone.”

Practice relaxation techniques. Slowly counting to ten, and/or practicing relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or breath prayers are a quick, discreet way of slowing down your heart rate and calming your anger.

Breath prayers are short, simple prayers that are linked to the rhythm of your breathing. You choose a brief sentence, phrase, or passage of Scripture that can be repeated in one breath and quietly repeat it for several minutes, allowing the words to merge with your breathing. For example, Peace of God (as you inhale slowly and deeply); guard my heart and mind (as you exhale slowly and fully).

Shift gears. Ruminating about something that made you angry will only keep you stuck in an angry state. The best way to calm down is to get your focus off of the situation that is upsetting you and turn it to something altogether different. Read a book, engage in a hobby, scrub the floor, do some gardening, or listen to some toe-tapping music.

Use anything that will keep your mind occupied and off the source of your irritation. Distracting yourself with an activity that requires your concentration will not only give you a chance to calm down, but it will make it more difficult for angry thoughts to creep back in.

Give yourself a reality check. When you start feeling upset about something, stop and ask yourself how important it is in the grand scheme of things. Will it still matter in a day, or a week, or a month, or a year? Is it worth losing your peace of mind and allowing it to ruin the rest of your day? Remind yourself that angry outbursts never fix anything; they will only make matters worse.

Look for positive ways to resolve conflict. Angry people tend to jump to conclusions that are often inaccurate. Wait until you have composed yourself and are thinking clearly before addressing the issue, and then do so calmly and assertively without being confrontational or defensive. Use “I” statements to describe your feelings, concerns, and needs, and be respectful of the other person and their perspective.

Listen to what he or she is saying with an open mind and try to empathize and see things from his or her point of view. Stay focused on the present, be willing to forgive, and be flexible and open to compromise as you look for possible solutions. Maintaining and strengthening the relationship should take priority over winning the argument.

Engage in physical activity. Exercise has been found to be one of the best ways to burn off the rush of energy produced by anger. Whether you take a brisk walk in nature, go for a workout at the gym, or even just do some stretches such as neck and shoulder rolls, exercise can help you decompress and release tension.

Keep a journal. Writing out your thoughts can have a calming effect and help you process your feelings. Documenting when you felt angry, what triggered it, and how you reacted – or wanted to react – can help you identify patterns. You can also unearth what’s behind the anger, provide insight as to how you can better deal with it in the future, and perhaps learn from a different perspective.

Learn to laugh at yourself and find the humor in things. Try not to take yourself too seriously and look for the funny side of things. Inserting a little humor into a stressful situation can help reduce tension, lighten the mood, and smooth over differences without making the other person defensive or hurting his or her feelings. Be careful not to use sarcasm though, as it is often a passive form of anger.

If you are struggling with anger issues and feel you need more help than what this article on anger management tips could provide, please give one of the faith-based counselors in our directory a call. We would be happy to answer your questions, and/or set up an appointment to meet with you.